So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
