I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize