also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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