Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
