i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
