I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
