i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
