Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
