that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
