Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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