so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
