i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
