when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
