Me. At least after what I've been through.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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