dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
