i wish my penis had a tongue
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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