just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
