about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Holy sore nipples Batman
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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