I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
i out mim tonsoeep
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