I have demons in me.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
