her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Randomize
