Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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