Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
