Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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