whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
