a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
