we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
