Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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