My nipple is on Facebook.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
