omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
