Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Randomize
