I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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