You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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