So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
