hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
