i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
