I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
