At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
