I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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