Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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