No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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