I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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