I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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