dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i will never coherently bang her
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
