C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
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