Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
