I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
