I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You were trust falling into bushes
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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