I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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