Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
