At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
