Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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