Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
