She announced her abortion via fbk
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
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