just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
