a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
