Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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