I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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