I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
