I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
