watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Randomize
