Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
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