oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
