That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
