I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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