Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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