Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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