We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
