I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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