I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
