Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
she peed on how many people?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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