I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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