my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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