can u get pink eye on your cock?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
