sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
