I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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