this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
