remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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