So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
