I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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