Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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