I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
