And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
