I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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