I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
