he wants to bone in the snuggie
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
