What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
